*candYYY* (candyyy) wrote in dear_god_its_me,
*candYYY*
candyyy
dear_god_its_me

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are you listening?

dear god.....or whoever is up there.....

why can't jade be blessed w/ a good family? why do i have such a good family? i hardly even let them know how much i appreciate them... =/ i know jade would if she had this time of family...

why are you letting such horrible things happen to jade? god..i love her so much....i really do...and i know that we always say that we love eachother romeo and juliet style...but thats not b/c we want to go out that way.....it's jsut b/c it was love at first sight...

she's just...so amazing...and...so innocent and good hearted...but...she has no one..why? how can you let people go on when they are just...so cold...why can't ...things just be easier?

we're all so young and this is all too hard for us... so why are we here? to torture us w/ this cruel fucking world?

whatever your plan was w/ this world was....it's all gone to shit...slowly but surely this earth is falling apart....physcially and mentally...everyone..and everything...

don't get me wrong...life is bearable....but...all the good things have their faults. i feel like a rat in your giant labratory. love is the most beautiful thing ever..and i have a feeling its why we're here....but i also feel that you're still having problems fixing all of its little kinks...

lately everyones just...been so depressed..everyone i know is on medication...so..something is obviouisly wrong..can't you just fix it? let people be happy...b/c i don't see enough smiles in the day. there's been about 5 suicide in my area in the last month, god... why isn't anything being done?

we need a miracle....a giant sweep of kindness...b/c other peoples kindness and cooperation....brings happiness to others....if we were all just nicer to eachother...things wouldn't be so bad...right? i guess thats just what you're trying to get across to all of us...but....jeeze...this world is so stubborn...and in the meantime..life is just so hard.

there wasn't too much of a point to this rant...i just..never talk to you...b/c i obviously am having my doubts on religion and i'm confused w/ all of it...and sense i'm always at my computer..i'd just be more comfortable typing to you rather than talking...and having my cats look at me like i'm crazy ::smiles::

please take care of jade...i love her...and she deserves the best...i know her and i were meant to be...that you just...had her sent to me from an angel or something..hehe..b/c she has made me insanely happy at a time where i just thought i'd have this lonely feeling at the bottom of my gut forever...but i can love again and its wonderful...but the worrying....isn't...it just isn't.

everyone deserves a good family...and i wish that everyone could have one...but i really really really really wish that jade had that...b/c what i have to give her...just isn't enough to fill that feeling that good family gives you...

i just..don't want to lose her...and this...trying to kill herself stuff....just....i can't deal w/ it...okay? i mean..is this to get back at me for all the times i tried to get out of this life? well..i'm sorry..okay?! i'm so so sorry...for letting everyone else worry...i'm sorry..and i regret it....and i will devote the rest of my life to preventing others trying to do it...but....god...its so hard...and i just don't have what it takes yet..just take care of my baby...please....i need her....i really do....

love from the lab
candy
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